Im at strip club and am horny
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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