I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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