i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i permit you to call me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
