She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
