Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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