Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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