I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
