Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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