God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
