went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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