you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
