why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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