My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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