Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
