not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's the barista slut.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
