paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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