I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
