She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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