Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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