Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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