You can't motorboat a personality
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
