I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
