Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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