Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
