i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
