chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just cropdusted the office
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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