had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
