mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
