Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
