Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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