I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
