genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
