Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
