So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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