I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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