i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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