it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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