Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
