So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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