do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
