I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
