I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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