Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
