why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
