; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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