You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
