I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
