Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
