there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
