Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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