I will die if light touches me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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