Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
