I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
