I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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