you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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