I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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