Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
