Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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