She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
